It’s Been…1,000 Days April 1 (Blog)

1,000 nights I have woken up in the night to hear your voice only to realize you are not there.

1,000 days I have come home from work expecting to hear, “Hey Mom! How was your day?”

1,000 days I have waited at night for you to come in the door to tell me about your evening.

1,000 days have consisted of tears or fighting back tears, depression, and/or sadness.

1,000 days of needing friends, needing family, needing God, feeling frustration, desperation.

1,000 days of hearing your name mentioned as “Trey was…” knowing your considered in the past.

1,000 days of wondering how you would be doing in school and where would you be going.

1,000 days of talking to myself wondering if you hear me blabbering about the things Collin is doing.

1,000 days of remembering what we did each day during your cancer journey.

1,000 days of hearing your laughter ring in my ears and remembering the smile that lit up a room.

1,000 times of singing 10,000 Reasons and going back to the bed at St. Jude and wanting to hold you just one more time.

1,000 days of looking in your closet and wondering what I’m going to do with all of your clothes.

1,000 days of missing 3,000 plus 30 minute long hot showers.

1,000 days of remembering at least three changes of clothes a day…at least three.

1,000 days of not hearing “Collin, do you have my Nike Elite socks?” Collin, “NO!”

1,000 days of missing our talks at night as you sat at the end of our bed…and you listened…and you talked…and we laughed.

1,000 days of missing both boys in the bed watching a movie and hearing “Move Over!”

1,000 days of remembering how we talked about the sermon on the way home and going into deeper conversation.

1,000 days of remembering how you and I both sang Phantom and Wicked in the car together.

1,000 days of remembering when I called you to the bannister to tell you we had to go to Le Bonheur and the look on your face that I can’t erase…the fear.

1,000 days of trying to forget tubes, shots, procedures, chemo, lines, medications, throw up bags…

1,000 days of how you insisted on doing your laundry at 2 a.m. and was so OCD.

1,000 days of memorizing your face, your voice, your touch.

1,000 days of looking at the same pictures and watching the same videos knowing there will not be new pictures on my phone.

1,000 days of wondering when will Collin understand God’s purpose and miss you.

1,000 days of spending moments with your friends, receiving hugs, joining hands, and feeling loved.

1,000 days of receiving texts, emails, cards, calls, and visits from so many who hear a song, see your face, and ache for us.

1,000 days of appointments with counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists to learn how not to miss you.

1,000 days of learning how to lean a little more…just like you did.

1,000 days of remembering how strong you were till the end.

1,000 days of remembering whispering sweet things in your ear as we laid next to each other as you began to journey to Jesus.

But now, it has been 1,000 days that you’ve been at the precious feet of our Savior.

Selfishly, I still want one more day because it feels like only one day.

Jesus, thank you for letting me hear him say, “It’s okay mama. I’m okay.”

Jesus, please give this mama 1,000 plus glimpses of Trey with you in glory.

Heal this mama’s heart.

What’s With the Wardrobe?

So Friday night I went to a break out session at our women’s event at church.  The name of the session was How to Refresh your Wardrobe.  I thought, if there is anything about me that is easy to refresh these days, it’s my clothes!

If you haven’t noticed lately, the new fashion in tops are the flowy piko tops.  I love them!  If you know me, you know how much I love them because I think I own one in every color.  Throw that belt OUT the window ladies and put on the stretchy pants!  But there comes a time when you feel like you are tired long necklaces, ballet slippers, black pants, and a different scarf to work every day. Oh wait, I just told what I wear to work every day, but with a vest here and there.

I left the session with a few ideas…throw a cardigan over this, a crochet vest over that, sure you can wear white skinny jeans, buy a tank top and put a piko over it.  My mind began to spin and Saturday shopping was on my list of things to do for the weekend.  It was the sidewalk sale in Collierville, after all.

I’ve been quite the Instagram shopper the last couple of months and found great looks and buys.  Some boutiques can be pricey, but they also have the ability to control their prices.  I have a pair of palazzo pants that I was determined to use my new savvy ideas to match for Spring.  Out the door I headed with my pants shoved in my purse, shopping for Spring…in the snow.

One thing that my sweet mother passed to my two sisters and me is the ability to gain wait and keep it as our very own.  Grief has not helped the situation.  But the Winter style sure helped hide that problem.  As I walked into the store, the Spring style does NOT emulate the Winter style.

“Can I help you?”

“Yes, I need something that is coral to match my pants.  I see you have pikos. Can we find one that will match my pants?”

The young (emphasis on young) lady replied, “Oh I’m sure we have something.”

As I browsed the store, she brought me a cream top with no sleeves and a bow at the back of the neck.

“You can just put a cami under this and it will match perfect!”

I smiled and replied, “Oh, that’s so cute, but I try not to go sleeveless and show my arms…at work.”  All the while I’m thinking, does she know how tight the piko sleeves are on these fat arms anyway?

A few minutes later, “Here is a blue and white striped shirt.”

I looked at it for a minute and thought it might work, but it also might look like I got dressed in the dark because my pants have a pattern.  Or if people REALLY didn’t know me, they would think I had been drinking.

The last suggestion was a dress extender that’s a cami to go under a piko.  I guess just forgetting the pants. Now that would be a sight!

I finally said, “Honey, I’m almost 50 years old and I just can’t pull off most of this stuff.”

I did leave with ANOTHER piko and a vest.  All the way to my car I was thinking, “What am I doing! Another piko!”  Was I just impatient and wanted something to go with the pants or do I really love these tops? I think impatience won.

What I came to realize over the weekend is that I am who I am.  Yes, I can lose some weight.  A lot of weight.  But because the style is camisoles and skinny pants, that doesn’t mean I need to be the next Walmart “what not to wear” ad, if you know what I mean.  There are so many things that have changed about wardrobe do’s and don’t’s.  You can wear suede in summer and white after Labor Day.  Well, that’s not what my momma taught me.

So, who do you listen to?  Well, I was brought back to God’s word.  Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.” 1 Timothy 2:9-10  I think we can braid our hair, etc. but what made me think is my dress making a claim to godliness? I immediately thought of 1 Cor. 10:31 “Whatever you do, whether you eat or drink, do ALL for the glory of God.”  I think that includes the way we dress.  I don’t think I have to look like I have on a potato sack, and I’m going to work on that part, but I don’t need to wear skinny jeans and not cover up what God gave me either.  (The thought of putting on skinny jeans makes me nauseated anyway.  Don’t you want to eat?)

As women (and sometime I know fathers do also), we tend to harp on the young girls who dress inappropriately with short shorts, tank tops with bras showing, but the acceptance is becoming more and more for the older generation.  We must remember to be an example to the younger generation and model what is appropriate.  I’m thankful for Alisha Reed at Central who is modeling to her children what is acceptable and not acceptable.  She refreshed me Friday night with her suggestions on how to spruce up my wardrobe with a Godly heart.

“You are together beautiful my love, there is no flaw in you.” Song of Solomon 4:7  Claiming it. Memorizing it. Answered prayer.

I’m okay just as I am. And the next time you see me, I might have on a piko (like right now).  ;o)

That ONE Person (Blog)

You’ve had that feeling before, that nagging in the pit of your stomach that something is just not right. I was asked to speak at Bartlett United Methodist Church months ago. I suddenly realized that it was a week away and I had not asked permission from my boss, nor had I begin to prepare. Panic set in and I told myself I just had to find a way to get out of this situation. I sent a text to the daughter of the mother of whose church I was going to speak. I told Holly, I can’t do this…what am I going to do! She asked, “When is it?” I responded, “Next Tuesday!” Silence.

More panic began to set in as I did not receive a response from Holly and I imagined she had contacted her mother to tell her that I was not able to speak because of my work load, a misunderstanding because I thought the event would be at night, [insert next excuse].

Most of you are familiar with LinkedIn on social media. I am a member because I kept receiving invites and I finally succumbed to realize it would be a good outreach tool. I received a message in my inbox from a man I didn’t know and he proceeded to tell me the story about his father. He gave me permission to share this wonderful, bittersweet story.


I am a Germantown resident with three boys. I have followed Trey’s and your family from the beginning of Trey’s illness. I want you to know your son taught so many how to die with God’s Grace. Little did I know that God put Trey and your family in my life for a reason. In the fall of 2013, my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and he passed away April 2014.

But because of your story being told publicly, I knew what to expect. I shared your family’s story with my dad. During this time my father found God and was saved. He is with Jesus now and Trey. He knew Trey’s story and he knew what a disciple Trey was until the last minute and still is today.

I spent the last two weeks with dad and most of his waking moments were just talking. Nothing was left unsaid and I am happy to say that.

I was talking to my dad’s pastor as he was asleep one day about my dad’s salvation and the pastor said he was present when my dad accepted Jesus into his heart. He also stated my dad talked about Trey’s story. Wow!!

The pastor told me that “dad was teaching me his final lesson”. He was “teaching me how to die with grace”. I immediately thought of Trey.

I want you to know I still pray for Trey and your family. Trey may have left this earth but he is alive. He has helped so many and I am sure I am not the only one.

Although, I have never met your family or Trey, I am very thankful you shared Trey with the world.

You should be so proud of Trey and how he taught so many lessons to people of all ages.


Steve Gilmore

After I read this story and Steve and I communicated, I went to my boss with a convicted heart. I told him I had a problem. After I told him what was going on, he looked at me with all seriousness and said, “You need to get your mind right.” I said to myself, “What?” and immediately thought, “Did I say that with my inside voice or outside voice?” Luckily, my inside voice. Joe went on to tell me, “There will be ONE person there that will need to hear what you need to say.” I told Joe the story of Steve Gilmore and his father, and in my mind, might have been JUST THAT ONE at the time and place God had intended. I left his office with his blessing to speak and I sent a text to Holly telling her all is well.

I received a text the night before I was to speak from my prayer partner, Ashley McCrary, asking me what I was going to speak about. She knew I was going to speak about Trey, but she wanted to know specifically so she could pray. I laughed and I told her I had 14 different versions and I had no clue. I had a migraine and I could not focus to decide. I put my Ipad down and just prayed for God to lead me in the coming day.

The ladies at Bartlett United Methodist Church were so lovely and inviting. I shared with them my story about not knowing what I was going to share and they were also touched by Joe’s compassion to let me go out into the community to share Trey’s story. As I looked over the crowd while I was speaking, I communicated with God, “Who is that ONE Lord that needs to hear from you today?” Sometimes we will never know how the Lord touches someone’s life through our actions or words.

I have been weary lately and my writing has been put to the wayside. Out of the blue I received a text from my friend Tami Theobald. We talked about how fear can restrict us from what we want to put on paper. She made a statement that is so true. “We write as if it really happened, we have to bleed on paper.” Then she said, “Someone needs to hear your words!” That was the SECOND time someone has told me that. She told me, “Your words heal you by writing them and heal others by reading them.” I was amazed at God’s work in telling me, “Lisa, it’s time to put it on paper.”

At the end of speaking at Bartlett United Methodist Church we had a question and answer time. One special lady asked the question I have been waiting for someone to ask. “What are the things we should or should not say to a grieving parent?” I lit up for joy and said, “Oh, thank you so much for asking that question and here are my suggestions.”

1. Try to avoid – “I’m sorry for your loss.” Trey is not lost. I know where he is. It’s not that it’s offensive, it’s just a church saying when you don’t have anything else to say.

2. Please don’t say – “Oh, he’s better off in heaven not suffering.” Are you kidding me? I know he’s in heaven, yes, but I’m still his mama and if I could beg God, like I have MANY times, I would ask for just ONE more time with him so I could tell him how much I love him.

3. Try to avoid – “I know what you are going through.” Unless you have lost a child, no you don’t. I carried my son for nine months, fed him, bathed him and changed his diapers. Then at age 15, I fed him, bathed him, and changed his pants, underwear and bed as he looked up at me, sometimes with no words.

4. Remember this one, if you can – “Call me if you need anything.” We won’t call you. We are grieving and it is not in a grieving person’s nature to reach out. We are still reaching in to find what was lost. We know it cannot be replaced, but we are trying to find a new way to function as a family of three.

– Listen to our memories
– Tell us that you will pray for us, and DO IT!
– Insist on bringing a meal or going to dinner together – even after two years (action speaks louder than words)
– Remember a hug goes a long way
– Be patient with our tears. They will flow for years, and years, and years.
– Put yourself in our shoes
– If you ask how we are doing, be prepared to listen

I retweeted something today that I thought was so important. “Be a voice, not an echo.” By being that voice, you might be the only Jesus that ONE person sees or hears. In speaking, that ONE person might have needed to hear the suggestions for a grieving parent. My prayer partner, Ashley McCrary, her kids, and other adults and high school kids at Central Church are leaving for Ecuador tomorrow. I think of them as they go out to be the Jesus that ONE person might see and one day, just maybe, be at the feet of Jesus because of their ACTIONS. For this reason, I have said, I will never stop talking about Trey’s faith story. Will it add ONE more child to your kingdom Lord? Isn’t that our purpose? Was that Trey’s purpose? To bring people to HIM?

“And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20

Are you the only Jesus someone sees today? If so, would it lead them to the feet of Jesus? As Christians, we are held accountable to go…preaching and teaching the Word. So wherever you are, whatever you are doing, KNOW you might be that ONE to someone.