Well, it’s not perfect, but it’s done. My book is finished. You can find it on Amazon and just search Trey Erwin. I’ve had a couple of days to reflect on it since it went public with the proof I’ve had. Before I hit “Publish”, I glanced through the book for any glaring errors, found one, fixed it, and resubmitted it for publishing. I didn’t read the book from cover to cover. I had already done it so many times, and so had my editor.

Then, one evening, I decided I would sit down and try to read the book from a “readers” perspective. The second page had two mistakes! I was in tears! The first two errors were obvious because of the font. Then, there wasn’t a period at the end of a sentence. Then, there was another mistake in a sentence. What was happening! Had I uploaded the wrong file? It threw me into a panic attack…and then embarrassment. I felt like a scolded puppy hiding under the bed. I felt like I let Trey down.

On the way to Collin’s graduation this morning, God spoke to me. He reminded me that the only one that was perfect on this earth was Jesus Christ and I should not be embarrassed. I had been forgiven for my many sins and mistakes. It’s by God’s mercy that He forgives our mistakes. The mistakes I made were in writing a book (for the first time, I might add) about my son for the glory of God. As long as God is glorified, I don’t care if there is a period missing, because God doesn’t. It’s just something the perfectionist in me has to get over. My prayer over the book is that God’s light will shine through Trey’s testimony.

I can tell you it wasn’t easy to write. I had resources laid out on my bed everywhere. His St. Jude medical records, my bible, his tweets that I had bound, Jesus Calling, two computers and this was usually until after midnight most nights when Jay was working. Memories flooded late at night which led to many sleepless nights. Maybe it was those late night tears that caused the mistakes!

One other thing I would like to add. Trey made mistakes. Even though the book highlights only a four-month period of his life, he was at one time a normal teenage boy WITH A MOUTH! Well, he is his mama’s child, isn’t he? In his little brother’s eyes, he has been elevated to sainthood by others and that is hard to follow. Collin knows that Trey was not perfect but he has yet to understand the full impact of life of service to the Lord. I think that comes with maturity. We are praying for maturity and understanding to develop.

So, if you get a chance to buy “A Mighty Dragon”, remember, it was written from my heart, not from experience and its purpose is to tell of Trey’s plight while bringing our Heavenly Father glory.

“A Mighty Dragon #prayfortrey The Story of Trey Erwin”

Dear Class of 2014:

I might get the chance to speak to you as a whole before graduation, but just in case I don’t, I wanted to write you a letter. This way, I will be able to address the graduates from Houston, Germantown, MEHA, Harding, and other schools.

I am so proud of you. I can say that in all honesty without being your parent. I’ve watched you over the last four years struggle with the loss of your friend, Trey, and rebound to be much better classmates and friends. Not to mention, you have been wonderful to our family.

I have watched you handle relationships, exams, sports (wins and losses), and most of it has been over social media. I have prayed for you to have strength during those times and learn to be overcomers. I will never forget being stranded on the side of the expressway and you were tweeting out to me wondering where I was because you were going to come change my tire! (Kyle Dailey!) You have learned to love outside your box.

You have lived inside your Collierville box for a long time. I think Trey’s death stretched your Collierville box and the perfect idea of life. Now you are about to step outside the Collierville box and experience so much of what life can throw at you. It will not be easy. God never promised us an easy life. He only promised that He would walk with us every step. You will be tested in mighty ways. It will be YOUR decision to overcome the temptations and you cannot put the blame or decision-making on anyone else. “Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the Lord.” Ps. 31:24

One more little tidbit of advice. Some of you will be going off to colleges that are hours away. Some may be travelling only as far as the U of M campus. Either way, you are gaining a new independence from your parents. With this new independence comes separation. I remember when some of you were complaining about being in school and Trey tweeted something about the fact that you needed to be grateful because he wanted to be in school. Here is my point. When you leave your parents, believe it or not, they will miss you terribly. Most moms will cry and dads will become sentimental. Be kind and stay in touch with your parents. I can’t stay in touch with Trey, do his laundry, or wait for him to come home on the weekends; but your parents will. Be sensitive to them. They have sacrificed much. They will experience only a touch of what Jay and I have felt as you leave. And you know what? You can stay in touch with me too. Nothing has meant more to me this last year than hearing from Trey’s friends while they have been experiencing their freshman year at college. Sometimes, it was just a 30 minute conversation with Cody Jordan. If that warmed MY heart, think of what it will do for your parents! You, my friends, are an extension of the son I raised.

You will take Trey with you wherever you go. More than that, you can’t just leave God at home either. Who are you when no one is watching. God is there. Make much of your life and make grand memories. Invest in others by paying it forward in blessings. But most of all, live like Jesus. Don’t be afraid, you can do it. Be different. Be a leader and don’t follow the crowd. “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

I love you,
Mama Lisa

The Stand by Hillsong – Trey’s fav.
You stood before creation
Eternity in your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

So I’ll walk upon salvation
Your spirit alive in me
This life to declare your promise
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I’ll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours

ALL YOU ARE…IS HIS! (Watch over them Buddy.)

Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon? My sisters have with the family and they have told me of the awesome sight. It’s just something I cannot imagine. Personally, I have no desire to go there. I can’t comprehend wanting to go look at a big, dry hole that people try to jump over on their motorcycles like idiots. Just thought I’d throw that in there. I’m sure it’s hot there, and there’s not a beach, so why go? Point made. At least for me.

I bet you are thinking, what in the world does the Grand Canyon have to do with anything? Well, in my usual fashion, I caught myself humming today.

How deep the Father’s love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

That’s when I began to think about the Grand Canyon. On earth, other than the oceans, that is the only vastness I have to measure God’s love for me and that is nowhere NEAR how much He loves me. That love has carried me through a very lonely time the last two weeks and it will be even worse the next three weeks. I put this in my book, but I remember vividly crying on the alter in 2012 on Senior Sunday praying that God would have Trey here to walk across the stage on Senior Sunday. Mama’s can be selfish sometimes.

Even though there might be a smile on our face, our hearts are breaking…all of our family. Bobby, my nephew is graduating from U of M on Saturday. Trey would be so proud. So many of you have been so very gracious not to send graduation invitations to Trey’s own graduation. We thank you! I have cringed every time I have had to look through the mail. I don’t expect you to understand, and I know there are MANY that will say “She needs to just get over it.” I’ll be glad to trade my grief for your daily struggle in a heartbeat. Remember, you do not always know what is going on behind closed doors. I have received many sweet texts regarding sensitivity. I have been blessed by the pouring out of love for our family during this time. That is why I have remained off Facebook, even though my Twitter feed flows over. We are thrilled for everyone’s accomplishments! We truly are! But in some ways, it reminds me of my own failure. The promises I made to Trey. I’m so thankful God catches every tear.

“But I will boast in Jesus Christ…” He gives me strength when I don’t want to get out of bed each day. He tells me I can do it another day. He reminds me that Trey doesn’t like it when I’m upset. (D. J. reminds me of that too.) He reminds me that there is a season for everything. This is just another season and there will be many used to strengthen me. He is sharpening me and will use me. When that day comes, I will be ready. Right now, I grieve.

My boss shared a scripture with me today, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” Mark 12:30. It made me think maybe I’m not strong enough to love with all my heart, soul, and mind. I feel zapped of everything. So where do you get your strength? The word of God.

Maybe I need to visit the Grand Canyon. There is a lesson to be learned by seeing the wonderment of God’s creation. It might just be the opportunity to stand in awe and realize that when you step outside the city limits of Memphis and Collierville, life is so much bigger than what we are experiencing around us. God can give you a renewed strength.

I leave you with one of my favorite passages (Joe’s-my boss-and Trey’s too): Isaiah 40:31

“…but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Learning to walk again, and not be weary.