Our pastor at Central Church is using the term Emojinal as a sermon series and I believe I fit in every emoji he is using. Somehow, I’ve left most services feeling very emojinal. Get it?
I received a card in the mail yesterday from a friend who follows me on social media. Evidentially, she picked up on some of my tweets that have a sadness tone to them. She went on to say in her sweet card that she remembers us “this time of year.” Those cards come few and far between now.
“I can’t imagine how raw your feelings are this time of year,” said another friend.
The kindness in me always says, “I’m okay.” The real me says, “I’m fighting each day with tears, heartache, and gut wrenching memories that no mother should have to experience.” I remember something Pastor Rick said in his sermon on depression which included grieving. “Dealing with depression does not mean you have a lack of faith or are in sin.” What encouragement for me on the days that I feel the struggle of these “Trey days.”
“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear.” – C.S. Lewis
I talked with a St. Jude parent who told me that even after 10 years, a four-year loss is just a blip on the radar of grieving the loss of your child. Whoa. So I’m normal. I’m not going crazy. And what is best, I know that even in my darkest moments, God is still here. My Jehovah Rapha.
Someone else is still in the midst of this ugly world. Satan. He loves to feed me lies that I am alone and the only one feeling the way I feel. Pastor Rick encouraged the congregation to turn a deaf ear to the lie of abandonment that Satan tries to feed us because if you do not, it will lead to deeper depression.
So what can I do about this depression that haunts me? Well, I can write.
Write because you are angry. Angry at the fact that so many things that are out of control.
Write because you are confused. But God is not the author of confusion, so why can’t you sort things out, put it on paper, and things fall into place.
Write because you want real people for friends. People that own up to their make mistakes, and also recognize their children make mistakes too.
Write because you still hurt. Hurt for a child who is not here and the child that is here is suffering from a cruel world.
Write because it brings healing tears. Because you know you are blessed with a husband who understands.
Write because you are screaming inside and no one is hearing you. There might be someone else who is screaming too. Maybe not for the same reasons and people think they know your reasons. You feel like you are living around people in glass houses.
Write because you know God is the author and the finisher of your faith. And God brings you to Hebrews to remind you of your faith.
Hebrews 2:1-3 “For this reason we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away from it. For if the word spoken through angels proved unalterable, and every transgression and disobedience received a just penalty, how will we escape if we neglect so great a salvation?”
How can you neglect so great a salvation? A salvation that nailed anger, hurt, tears, confusion, depression, and death to the cross. But Lord, I am human…they are human. Do they not see?
And God said, Lisa, it is not yours to hold on to. It is okay if the anger still surfaces, but be the example of my Son and know just as I calm the seas, I can calm you. It is okay if you do not understand, you will in My time.
Writing helps. It calms. It clears the mind. It forces me to Be Still and Know that HE is God!
Writing is a tool that can bring goodness to the soul.
Writing is sharing. Sharing God’s word. How often can we overcome the depression and sadness to know that sharing God’s word is more important?
Trey worked in Kidz Worship at Germantown Baptist. He loved to work with the kids and they absolutely loved him. But something was different. He had no fear. I heard the testimony of a young boy Sunday night. I knew of his testimony, I just have never heard it from his mouth. On a video, he said that he learned about Jesus from this boy in Kidz Worship named Trey. Trey Erwin asked him if he knew Jesus. Trey was 15 at the time and sharing the gospel with a young child that eventually was saved because of his probing.
Needless to say, the video made me VERY emojinal. I went home and covered every emotion of the spectrum from pride to sadness. But the bottom line is I know the angels rejoice for one more soul that will be with Jesus one day because a teenager stepped out and shared about Jesus.
So why am I so emojinal? Because maybe sometimes I feel my boy was taken from me a little too early. But is God ever early or late? No, He is always on time. Accepting HIS timing might be a problem for many of us. Where am I going to college? When will I get that job? Will I ever get the raise they promised? How are we going to pay for school next year? Are these your questions?
You don’t have to lose your son to be in the pits of despair over life. The trick is knowing how to handle what is thrown at you daily. Thank you Pastor Rick for your suggestion for remedies for depression: Focus on God, turn off the lies, remember the good things, give praise, find support, and reach out. I am work in progress and God knows my heart.
2 Cor. 4:7-9 “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”