When Collin heard the word pancreas about two months ago, he ran out of the house and said, “I don’t want to hear the word pancreas.”  At that time, I was patient and able to help him to understand that what I was experiencing had nothing to do with what we had experienced with Trey.  That was then.

It has been a long two months of not being able to eat, trying to eat on Friday (soups) and putting me in the bed on the weekends, dehydration, headaches, kidney infection, nausea, and pancreatic and abdominal pain, oh and did I say nausea?  My doctor has done a thorough work up and I am confident that he has run all the tests on my pancreas to try to find the source of my pain.  I am so thankful for my hubby who has taken such great care of me! And Collin who has gone to get me Sonic slushees!

Many, many times my thoughts have gone back to Trey and what he suffered.  I have shed many tears over the last two months.  There have been days that I have barely been able to get jello down.  I remember the first week at St. Jude and how we forced Trey to eat Jello pudding and he refused to eat.  Now I know.  Why did we do that?  We kept asking if there was anything he would try.  When your body says no, it means no.  I get that now.  Maybe I’m feeling a little bit of survivor’s guilt.  He lost 30 pounds in those first couple of weeks of not eating.  This is not the way to lose weight.  I’m down 20. But I know it will find me again.

I’ve had an endoscopy, a special MRI, blood work many times to check my lipase levels, and there is still no explanation as to why my pancreatic enzymes are elevated.  Again, I thought about Trey during all of these frustrating tests with no explanation.  At least he got to the point he could eat! I want Thanksgiving and not mush!

With all of this being said, the doctors have decided to send me to Mayo.  They have one of the best pancreatic groups in the country.  I’ve been told there are so many little things that can aggravate the pancreas and you can only detect these things with special tests done at big institutions.  I am thankful to be a patient at Mayo and the friends that have help me get there in the past.

As I told a friend who is a doctor, I have got to release the worry of time, know there is a plan, and all is in control of God’s hands.  I ask that you pray for me while I am at Mayo (which is to be determined at this time, but soon-pray for that too), that they will find the exact source of my pain, and a treatment plan.  I want to be back in church, shopping for Christmas, enjoying the holidays, but most of all, I WANT MY COFFEE!!! Can you imagine?

Thank you to the sweet friends that have kept a check on me.  You are invaluable.  I will be going to Mayo alone, so say a prayer for my family at home.  I don’t think Jay likes that, but financially, that’s the way we need to work it.

“Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all His benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagles.” Psalms 103:1-5

NAME IT! AND CLAIM IT!

Please remember to keep my sweet friends Beth and Mike O’Neill in your prayers as Mike is undergoing chemo for cancer at MD Anderson.