Dragons

The Collierville High School football team selects a “theme” for each year. I am assuming the coaches do it because every year it has been different…last year was UNDEFINED and this year was UNFINISHED. I never really paid much attention to the tagline until last night at the CHS football banquet. Here is why…

It is not lost on me that as the years pass, the football team will know less and less about who Trey really was and WHY there is a Trey Erwin Award. It’s like the NCAA Heisman Trophy (well, not quite). But who knows who the trophy is named after, why, and when. John William Heisman with the first award given in 1935. I’ve said many times, the hardest thing for a mother to think about is the fact that their child might be forgotten. Luckily, most of the coaches know Trey’s story and only one remains that was a coach at the time he played. I bet CHS students can guess. Coach Mike Bradley.

I sat with the only family I knew, Tim and Kelly Woodard. When it came time for the Erwin Award, Bradley Stubbs was announced. I didn’t know the young man, of course, but Kelly grabbed my shoulders and said, “Oh, he’s wonderful!” Bradley’s younger brother and Kelly’s youngest, Matthew are best friends. If you don’t know how I feel about the Woodard family, just ask me. Love runs deep. We go to church together and I’ve watched her kids grow up and Trey taught Drew in children’s church.

When the banquet was over, I made a beeline to Bradley to introduce myself. He looked at me like I had three heads until I told him I was Trey‘s mother. His eyes lit up, and his family gathered rather quickly. I gave him a copy of my book and told him that I hoped it would give him a little bit of insight as to who Trey was. Then came my shock. He said he already knew about Trey. I was quite puzzled until he said he was a Peep. I immediately understood what he was talking about. He told me that Tara Peeper was his teacher at Crosswinds and she talked about Trey all the time. I have to pat myself on the back for not falling apart thinking of Trey and Corbin (Peeper). I explained Trey and Corbin grew up together. They were so excited to be able to tell Tara and I said I would also text her. When I got in the parking lot and sent her a text, she said that Bradley had already FaceTimed her and she sent me the picture.

When I got home, I thought more about the football tagline UNFINISHED. God is not finished with Trey. God orchestrated this meeting by weaving many moments and people together. Remember, God is not finished with any of us. He will only be finished with us when we openly reject him. Even then, I believe in my heart that he is full of grace, mercy, and forgiveness for those that choose to return to follow him.

I told Bradley about the larger award with the plaques of every player who had received the award each year. He did not know that it existed and I told him his name would be added to the award. I’ve asked several people at CHS where the award is located. I sure would like an updated picture of the plaques of each special player that was chosen. I pray it’s not stuck in a closet somewhere in the large sports facility.

As you gather with family and friends this holiday season, remember to love each other intentionally, speak with kindness, and remember that God is not finished with you.

Once a Peep always a Peep. Once a Dragon always a Dragon. Thank you to the Collierville football team who continues to remember a simple boy who was not perfect, yet unashamed of loving Jesus.

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭1‬:‭16

You deal with anger a lot when you are grieving. Many Christians like to categorize our anger as “righteous.” But when does that righteous anger cross the line and become just plain anger?

I have found myself angry a lot lately. I won’t sugarcoat it. Ephesians 4:26 says, “When you are angry, do not sin, and be sure to stop being angry before the end of the day.” This anger has led to so many other things, such as depression. (You should see my house – war zone.)

Why am I angry? I hate cancer. Oh, wait, another sin…hate. I feel like instead of being eaten up with cancer, maybe I’m eaten up with sin.

Let me tell you why. In the last three months, my husband has had surgery for malignant melanoma and basosquamous cell carcinoma; July was “Trey” month, his birthday and the anniversary of his death; I lost two good friends to cancer; and, I have another one that has just been diagnosed who is fighting for her life. Collin’s endoscopy that was scheduled for August has been rescheduled for November. I won’t even mention that Aretha Franklin died of pancreatic cancer.

I have to make it clear that I am not angry at God and I don’t know why. I think because I have a healthy fear of the Lord. I know God is good. I think most people would be angry AT God believing that He is the cause. Yes, I have shaken my fist in the air a couple of times over the last six years, but that has not resulted in any relief or extreme pleasure.

Can I admit that I am angry at the people working in research? Why haven’t you found a cure? Why do you keep saying you’re so close? Don’t say you’re so close and lead us on. I remember researchers saying that about ALS in 1982 before my Dad died and I don’t believe they are any closer than they were 30 plus years ago. I had to get that off my chest.

I want to place my anger somewhere. When we are angry, we all want to place blame. I do not know who to blame anymore. I remember so vividly when the doctor who was from genetics came to see Trey at St. Jude to tell us about the P-16 gene. They told us that it was passed from the father to the son and Jay immediately turned to the wall, became red, and tears began to flow down his face. Dr. Sara’s hand suddenly grasped his shoulder and she said, “Jay, this is not your fault.” I believe Jay carries that burden, as do I for giving birth to my children. (It does take two, ya know.) There is NO anger towards Jay and NO burden he should carry since God in His almighty power, knowing beginning to end, had a plan and purpose for Trey.

Wait, what? …since God in His almighty power, knowing beginning to end, had a plan and a purpose… My apple watch just told me to BREATHE. And I think I just received an invisible B-12 shot!

Hummm. “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20

You might not see me in an outrage with my anger, but am I using this anger to help others, help them heal, grieve, or need Jesus? That would be righteous anger. I don’t know that I am, but I want to. I just know that God is not finished with me yet. I am thankful He still catches all my tears. I stepped out of the car crying yesterday…because the Dragons will play their last game in the stadium where Trey played. Oh, my heart aches. It aches for the past that cannot become the future.

I watched a video I recently taped for Trey. The person asked if I liked it. I told him that I had told Jay all I talked about was Trey’s faith and said nothing about how Trey suffered. Jay and I got a good laugh how that sounded coming out of my mouth. So did the person on the other end. Maybe it not always about the suffering or the anger – righteous or not. Maybe it’s just all about the faith.