Usually, when you think of the first Thanksgiving, it’s with the birth of a child, or your first as a wedded couple.  It might be in your new home with your new dishes.  This was a first for the Erwin family.  Actually, the first to have Thanksgiving at our home.  But I didn’t cook.  I slept all morning, till 2:30.  Collin played video games.  My sisters watched the parade.  Jay worked at the fire department.  Yet everyone felt the heaviness.  The laughter was gone.  Or at least mine was.  It was the first time I actually saw Collin sad.  I would call his name over and over again.  He came down and sat on the stairs and then he went back up to his room.  I went up to Trey’s room where he was watching TV and he was there with his hoodie over his head.  I knew then he was sad and I didn’t make him come downstairs. I am thankful we did not have to travel, Collin and I would not have been able to put those faces on. Thank goodness for Bobby to save the day to have fun with Collin.

One thing I realized late this afternoon was that God is the same.  He never changes. Hebrews 13:8 says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”  As sad as I have been and NOT wanting to say HAPPY THANKSGIVING sarcastically, because I could honestly care less, God still loves me, He feels my pain, and He is the same God who has been holding me as I cry.  I AM thankful He is the same!

Trey loved holidays.  We always played games on Thanksgiving night.  Not tonight.  Everyone was gone from the house by 5 p.m. and the day went back to the way it started.  I am heading back to bed and Collin is going to watch a movie.

I thought about everyone gathering today as families and how they must be celebrating.  Some families welcoming cousins, aunts, grandparents; cooking turkeys, pies; taking naps after gorging on food, but what about the families missing a member or those families who are not getting along with another family member.  Some of this is out of our control and some of it is not.  I can’t imagine any family situation being so hard that you could not reconcile.  As I posted with our last year’s Thanksgiving picture, be thankful because things can change very fast.  Our family dynamic changed in four short months.  You have no earthly idea how much Jay and I would give to hold him just one more time or hear his laughter – or even have him ask us to bring up his laundry so he could obsessively fold it.  After Thanksgiving, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. will drive back to their homes, say what a wonderful holiday it was and probably not see some of the same members of the family again next year.  Just think about that.

Collin had his MRI on Monday at St. Jude.  It was totally clear.  That is what we are thankful for this Thanksgiving.  We have one son that at this point has a clear baseline of tests and a healthy, normal pancreas.  He does have Eosinophilic Esophagitis that St. Jude partnering with other doctors will be handling.  We are glad to have found this.  It is not related to cancer, but we want to make sure we do not do anything to trigger any cancer cells.  We have the most wonderful dr. at St. Jude.  We are crazy about Sara Federico. We will always have to deal with the P16 gene and he will be screened once a year with at least an MRI at St. Jude.  He does have some spots that I want removed.

I urge you to be extra thankful for the ones you love during this holiday season.  Tell them.  Hug them.  Make sure they know.  Tomorrow may be different.  In four months, it might be different.

Col. 3:12-17

¹² Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tender-hearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. ¹³ Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. ¹⁴ Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. ¹⁵ And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

¹⁶ Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.