It’s been a “Trey” day.  Jay called today from work and asked how my day had been and I said, one of those days.  He said, Trey.  I said, yeah.  He said, me too.  We often have Trey days at the same time.  It’s weird.  Then, on the way home from work, as I often do, I called my sister, Donna.  I told her the same thing and she exclaimed – ME TOO! But as the same with Jay and me, not full out tears, just here and there.

Some of you may not know this but my sister works for the church.  Germantown Baptist Church.  She’s all over the place, checking conservatory rooms, teachers, copying music, etc. so her job takes her all over the church.  It takes her all over the places Trey filled.  She covered her steps with me today as we walked down that memory lane as during basketball season she would go into the gym when Bill, her husband, would come and work out in the afternoons and Trey would be there practicing or working out with Uncle Bill.  Her eyes glance to the left as she walks up the walk from where she parks and she sees the stones where a make shift coffin is buried from DNOW of 2012.  That was the whole point of DNOW 2012.  Surrender.

Speaking of DNOW, it’s that time again.  DNOW.  Maybe it’s just that it is this time of year that has us all thinking.  And by the way, we are not calling it DNOW this year.  We are calling it MOVE weekend.  I like it.  I like the fact that it is taking on an ACTION form.  Not to take away the memories of DNOW.  Nothing can do that.  And frankly, there are some DNOW migraines I would like to forget.  But Trey LOVED DNOW! It would be his last, as with many things his senior year.  I hope the senior boys cherish this DNOW year together.

But then my sister always has to cut through the sanctuary.  The last place she saw Trey.  The last place we all saw Trey.  But we know, that was not Trey.  That was only a shell of who he was.  But we still struggle that Trey lived so vibrantly and died so loudly.  Yes son, you went out with a bang.

I prayed this prayer this week.  God help me to love you more than I love my son Trey, and give me the desire to want to be with you and worship you in heaven more than I want to be with my son in heaven.  When you have lost a child, that is the hardest prayer to pray.  I’m going to keep praying the SAME prayer.  Sometimes I feel like I’m screaming it ~ maybe just a little to convince myself.  :o) I could not have prayed that one year ago.  I remember someone said that to me right after Trey died and it hurt me to the core.  But now I understand.  Wow, has it taken time.  Not that I don’t miss Trey more than life.  We had a Sunday School lesson recently about “do overs”, Trey was not my “do over”.  There is a reason I have James 1:2-3 taped to the top of my computer.  Not just for memory, but as a reminder.  “…knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.”

God fills the halls of Germantown Baptist Church.  Music fills the halls of Germantown Baptist Church.  My sister walks the halls and hears the familiar songs that brings Trey to mind day after day.  You may often see her in tears.  If you do, you will now know why.  Trey ran those halls like he ran the halls of our homes.  But God’s comfort, like a soothing balm, will come.  It might be through an understanding smile or a sweet hug.  But for the most part – it comes from His word – Hebrews 4:14-16 ~

“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.  For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin.  Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

~Confessing I will always be a sinner

~Thanking God for sending His son who can sympathize with my weakness

~Drawing near with confidence to the throne of His wonderful grace

~Praying for mercy for my family

~Asking for grace in this time of need for us all

~Extending this prayer for all that need God’s amazing grace for it extends far beyond Trey’s life or death

I hate for almost every post to be about Trey, but hey, it’s my blog, and we ARE still learning the NEW normal.