Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon? My sisters have with the family and they have told me of the awesome sight. It’s just something I cannot imagine. Personally, I have no desire to go there. I can’t comprehend wanting to go look at a big, dry hole that people try to jump over on their motorcycles like idiots. Just thought I’d throw that in there. I’m sure it’s hot there, and there’s not a beach, so why go? Point made. At least for me.
I bet you are thinking, what in the world does the Grand Canyon have to do with anything? Well, in my usual fashion, I caught myself humming today.
How deep the Father’s love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished
I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
That’s when I began to think about the Grand Canyon. On earth, other than the oceans, that is the only vastness I have to measure God’s love for me and that is nowhere NEAR how much He loves me. That love has carried me through a very lonely time the last two weeks and it will be even worse the next three weeks. I put this in my book, but I remember vividly crying on the alter in 2012 on Senior Sunday praying that God would have Trey here to walk across the stage on Senior Sunday. Mama’s can be selfish sometimes.
Even though there might be a smile on our face, our hearts are breaking…all of our family. Bobby, my nephew is graduating from U of M on Saturday. Trey would be so proud. So many of you have been so very gracious not to send graduation invitations to Trey’s own graduation. We thank you! I have cringed every time I have had to look through the mail. I don’t expect you to understand, and I know there are MANY that will say “She needs to just get over it.” I’ll be glad to trade my grief for your daily struggle in a heartbeat. Remember, you do not always know what is going on behind closed doors. I have received many sweet texts regarding sensitivity. I have been blessed by the pouring out of love for our family during this time. That is why I have remained off Facebook, even though my Twitter feed flows over. We are thrilled for everyone’s accomplishments! We truly are! But in some ways, it reminds me of my own failure. The promises I made to Trey. I’m so thankful God catches every tear.
“But I will boast in Jesus Christ…” He gives me strength when I don’t want to get out of bed each day. He tells me I can do it another day. He reminds me that Trey doesn’t like it when I’m upset. (D. J. reminds me of that too.) He reminds me that there is a season for everything. This is just another season and there will be many used to strengthen me. He is sharpening me and will use me. When that day comes, I will be ready. Right now, I grieve.
My boss shared a scripture with me today, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” Mark 12:30. It made me think maybe I’m not strong enough to love with all my heart, soul, and mind. I feel zapped of everything. So where do you get your strength? The word of God.
Maybe I need to visit the Grand Canyon. There is a lesson to be learned by seeing the wonderment of God’s creation. It might just be the opportunity to stand in awe and realize that when you step outside the city limits of Memphis and Collierville, life is so much bigger than what we are experiencing around us. God can give you a renewed strength.
I leave you with one of my favorite passages (Joe’s-my boss-and Trey’s too): Isaiah 40:31
“…but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Learning to walk again, and not be weary.
living the life of christ 
Lisa, my son Byron is now 14. He will be starting at CBHS in the fall. My twins are 12 and know Collin from GBS Youth Group. They are currently running track for Collierville and we think of Trey every time we look up at the stands and see his number. I have heard that you may be writing a book, and I hope that this is true. You have a talent for writing and expression and this would be such a great memorial not just for those of us locally who were touched by your amazing son but also for the many people he touched worldwide and those who have yet to hear his story and testimony. Blessings to your family.
I read your first paragraph, and it immediately rephrased itself like this:
“Have you ever heard about Heaven? My sisters have…told me of the awesome sight. It’s just something I cannot imagine. Personally, I have no desire to go there. I can’t comprehend wanting to go look at gold streets with a bunch of angels wandering around playing harps like idiots. Just thought I’d throw that in there. I’m sure it’s not hot there, and there’s not a beach, so why go? Point made. At least for me.”
I wonder if that’s how unbelievers see us and our Lord? They can’t imagine what we’re talking about, so there must not be much to it, in their eyes.
Even though we’ve never met, I still think of y’all when I hear “Ten Thousand Reasons,” or look across the sanctuary on Sunday mornings and see Ryan and Anne Mullins worshiping.
Wow. Awesome analogy. Hug Ryan and Anne for me! Love them so much! Non-believers just don’t understand.
You do not know me yet we met at St. Jude. You have been on my heart the past several days. I have wondered how you were coping. Coping is an interesting word. To cope means to deal effectively with something difficult. Your “something” is much more than difficult. Effectively means in such a manner as to achieve a desired result. Just remember you are working toward an achievement…an accomplishment. You may not ever “get over” this. No one should expect that of anyone suffering a loss of this magnitude. But you must and will keep trying to obtain your desired result. I want you to know I have never suffered the loss of a child. I see families at St. Jude who struggle daily. I have seen fresh grief on their faces. You are an inspiration to so many. We thank you for the scripture reminders. We thank you for the simple lessons just like the Grand Canyon story. You have a gift and you ARE a gift to so many. Thank you for inspiring me to be a better mom, wife, co-worker and friend.
You are an amazing Christian woman….