Sunday our pastor mentioned that we should take a moment this week and tell God what we are thankful for. He gave us several ways to do this and one way took me back. Years ago, when all the kids were little, we would write what we were thankful for on fall leaves that my sister had cut out. There was one point that she kept them from year to year to display. As the years have gone by, and the kids have grown up, we have stopped that tradition. I think it was just because of the hustle and bustle of cooking and getting ready for Thanksgiving…and maybe some eyerolling from teenagers.

Last night, before going to sleep, I was reading a devotion on my phone. The series is called “Cancer-Encouragement for Healing.”  Personally, I think this devotion can go for any illness, not just cancer. Yesterday’s devotion was called “Hearing God’s Voice.” How many times have we wanted to hear His voice, begged for guidance, and/or just wanted something to drop from the sky. For me, more times than I can count. As I began to read, the first sentence read, “Hearing God’s voice will cut through the tumult we can be experiencing to bring us peace, clarity, and guidance like nothing else can.” I think I might have actually huffed out loud.

After reading the devotion, I turned over to try to sleep. As I was praying, I began begging God to speak to me, just in SOME way. I was brought to tears. Believe it or not, it takes a LOT to make me cry. My skin is tough…and I don’t cry in movies. When I realized I was crying, I stopped because I knew I would give myself a headache, but more so, I asked myself why I was crying. It was a “get yourself together girl!” moment. But my WHYs kept flowing out of my mouth to God. Why cancer. Why Trey. Why Collin. Why Jay. Why melanoma. Why rashes. Why headaches. Why endoscopies. Why bladder surgery. Why biopsies. I think you will get my pattern. I talked to two precious pastors in the last week about my frustration of not being able to handle the “Why” or control it. They did not pretend and told me very honestly that they did not know why either.

As I lay there, crying out in frustration and fear, I cried out to the Holy Spirit to speak to me for peace, mercy, and healing in my family. In the most AUDIBLE voice I have ever experienced, I heard God speak to me.

Lisa – You may not know the why. All you need to know is I AM THE WHY.

Yes, I am thankful for the WHY! God, my Savior. Jesus, who died for me on the cross.

MIC DROP!