The New Normal

Just to clear things up, I might have used the title “The New Normal”, but I don’t like it.  Nothing will be normal again.  That’s just the honest truth.  In counseling with my Pastor, one thing that he so wisely told me was that as a family, we must be INTENTIONAL in finding what is normal for our family.  If we do not, our days will turn to months and before we know it, our normal will be set for us.  We might not like what we become.  As Jay and I have talked, we both have agreed that we will be a family that always talks about Trey.  We will laugh at his obsessiveness with organization and cry when we hear a worship song that we know was his favorite.

Today marks one month since Trey went to be with Jesus.  Like I said in a tweet, it seems like one day ago.  Jay asked me this morning if I was okay and I said no, I am not.  I will not be OKAY for a long time. But I understand that part of the process.  It’s a waiting process for our bodies to heal.  We do not know how long that waiting process will be.  It might be 6 months (doubt it) or it may be years.  I’m leaning toward years.  But I have to share one thing that Trey shared with our Pastor during their talks.  When Pastor Fowler would ask Trey is there anything that I can pray for you, Trey would ask for prayer for Jay and me (and Collin) and for our strength to be able to endure after his death.  Trey and I had many MANY emotional crying moments that Trey would express to me how worried he was about us.  I told him many times that we were fine and that God was taking care of us just as He was taking care of Him and he did not need to doubt God.

Jay and I return to work tomorrow, Collin starts 7th grade at Collierville Middle tomorrow, Collin has football practice every afternoon this week (for which I am team mom again this year), our church has promotion Sunday next week with the opening of our new student center, our youth choir kicks off the year with a retreat this coming weekend, and our adult choir has kicked off its new year. My senior girls Sunday School class has a project to finish for the prayer room of the new student center by next Sunday AND they also start school tomorrow.  PHEW! Oh, wait, our 21st wedding anniversary is Friday!  Somewhere in there Jay and I will pay bills, continue to file on insurance policies, deal with the funeral home, write acknowledgment notes, send thank you cards, and find time to be JAY, LISA, and COLLIN.

I was on my way to meet Jay and Collin for dinner Friday night and the song While I’m Waiting by John Waller came on The Message – Sirius Radio.  These words hit me like a brick between my eyes and I just had to lift this song in prayer to God.  It describes EXACTLY how I feel.  I think the waiting is actually being able to turn a corner and smiles be more than tears; to not have the elephant sitting on your chest anymore; and, actually sleep through the night without hearing him call your name out from upstairs.  Jay and I know these days will come.

Julianne and I were talking about the different scriptures that have been sent to us during this time.  My favorite verse has always been Isaiah 40:31.  “They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength.  They will mount up as eagles on wings; they will run and not be weary; they will walk and not faint.”  I cannot count the number of times I have been sent this verse.  Julianne and I talked about how we become desentitized to the word of God.  In my grief and frustration, I have often thought if one more person sends me this verse I’m going to tattoo it on their forehead for them to walk through. (If you know me well, you gotta laugh.)  What this has taught me is to remember that ALL scripture, remember ALL scripture is the inspired word of God and in my darkest moment, God will bring this verse that I know so well to my mind and it will comfort Jay and me because so many have thought to share His word with us.

Tomorrow is not only the first day of school for Collin, but the first day of school for many of Trey’s friends and what would be the beginning of Trey’s junior year.  The Collierville High junior sponsor and I have already talked this last week and she knows to keep me in the loop of everything that is going on at CHS.  Our son may be gone, but we will not let him be forgotten.  We pray for an extra measure of success for the junior class this year!  There are so many that we love dearly.  I talked to Coach O’Neill today and we attended the football scrimmage on Friday.  You will NOT keep us away from the Dragon football games.  That was Trey’s team, that is OUR team, and we will be there with Trey’s last year’s jersey on, his button with his picture on it, and KNOW that Trey will be coaching his team from heaven (yelling CATCH THAT BALL!).

So you see, our lives are full.  The challenge will be how we choose to handle each activity.  We know that we will need to rely on friends just as we have since the end of February.  OUR PRAYER is for as we return to work and Collin returns to school, we will be able to minister to Collin in the way that he needs.  He will be coming home to an empty house each day and this hurts my heart.  He will not admit it, but I know that first day when he walks in to yell Hey Trey and there is no response, his little heart will sink.  So please pray for Collin.

CHALLENGE:  My challenge for you is the same as it is for me.  That we will continue to serve, worship, and be obedient to our Lord no matter what our circumstances might be.  For who will receive the glory if we are? HE will! Who will receive the blessings? WE will!Image

While I’m Waiting by John Waller

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve you while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord