Once there was a little boy named Harrison…I could start this blog like that. I’ve mentioned Harrison before. He’s the sweetest little three-year old. I believe when I talked about him last, I told everyone on the caringbridge that he returned to Trey the prayer bear that I had given him when he was born. In turn, I gave him a picture of Trey in his football uniform. I’d like to share a little bit more about Harrison and how he is learning about heaven and Jesus through Trey.
In September, Leigh, Harrison’s mom sent me this message – “Ok. So this morning- totally out of the blue- Harrison said- mama. Where is trey? And this sweet question led to a whole conversation about him. I told him he was in heaven! He asked- when’s him coming home? I told him that he wasn’t coming home- that heaven was his home now. He asked- what’s him doing up there? I told him that he was getting to spend every moment with Jesus, worshipping Him and singing songs to Him and enjoying the place that He had made for Trey. He thought for a minute and said- that’s awesome! But I’m not ready to go to heaven. So I told him- none of us ever think we are ready- but when it’s time for Jesus to come get us- then we are so happy and heaven is so wonderful- that we are so happy that He did! He thought for a few more min and then said- ok mama. And smiled the biggest smile. Just wanted you to know that your baby is helping my baby understand a little bit about heaven. Thank you. Xoxo”
All could do was thank Leigh for being consistent in teaching Harrison about Jesus and telling him the truth of where Trey was. Jesus was so tender with children. “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward of my heart.” Ps. 127:3 Yes, we are very much rewarded by our children and it is up to parents to lead, guide, and direct them down the path that they should go. I still rely on “Train up a child as he should go, and he will not depart from it.” Prov. 22:6 Jay and I truly believe our children are who they are because of their foundation. That is who Trey was.
I received another message today from Leigh: “ok. So the picture you gave Harrison of Trey in his football uniform has been hanging on a bulletin board in his playroom ever since. He looks at it all the time and talks about what team he played for. Well today- he wanted me to get the picture down. And he asked all the same questions about Trey and heaven. Today he asked about you, too. “Where’s hims mama?” Well. After I got a hold of myself- I told him you were at home getting ready for church. And he wanted to know when you would see Trey again. I told him that when you went to heaven- you would see him again. Then he put Trey’s pic beside his plate and he looked at Trey all during his breakfast and then he hung him on the fridge. “Down low so I can see hims football uniform better. ” precious. Loving and praying for you every day.”
That message just touched my heart. I told Leigh to tell Harrison to change his prayers. He needed to start praying for Trey’s mama because she misses her buddy so much. There are days that I just can’t take it. Giving up is so much easier.
Leigh then sends me this message this morning: “Harrison’s prayer this morning- “dear Jesus- thank you for Trey’s new body. Hims can run so fast now. And thank you for hims mom and dad and bruver. And Lord- just watch over them. “. Amen.”
I believe with all of my heart that God heard every word that came out of Harrison’s mouth and will come out of his mouth. Yes, we are all born sinners, but there is an age of accountability I believe. He believes Jesus loves him and that Trey is the place that God prepared for him. All things that are the truth. What a blessing to have a mom and dad in Leigh and Ronnie to guide Harrison down the road that leads to salvation and a greater walk with the Lord, no matter what happens. God doesn’t tell us it will be easy. Leigh already knows that. Leigh’s faith is one of the reasons Harrison is her son.
As with the teaching and learning Harrison is experiencing about Trey and heaven, Jay and I are learning the difference between grieving and mourning. Grief is the weight in the chest, the churning in the gut, the unspeakable thoughts and feelings. Mourning is the outward expression of grief. Mourning is crying, journaling, creating artwork, talking to others about the death, telling the story. I understand Job when he said in Job 30:28 “I go about mourning without comfort; I stand up in the assembly and cry out for help.” But I KNOW that my mourning will turn to dancing. I just don’t know when. And I’m going to mourn to the extent I need to until that time. Ps. 30:11-12 “You have turned my mourning into dancing’ You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever.” We sang that song in choir. I loved it.
I’m glad I have Harrison prays for hims mama. Because she drives home from work each day crying wanting her son back so desperately. Just wanting him to be home when she gets home. Knowing he won’t be. Knowing that voice won’t be there. But like Harrison said, he’s running with a new body. No cancer. Catching passes and dunking basketballs. All his dreams. But at this stage, his parents can only cry and mourn the dreams we have lost. And look forward to next Monday when we take Collin to have an endoscopy. Then we wait, Again. And again, we will trust God with all we have. That He has a purpose for ALL things – for good.