Our year of “firsts” have begun. DNOW (Disciple Now) was something that I was looking forward to but I knew it would be bittersweet. I remember receiving a text from Trey on Saturday last year that said, “You know you are a UT fan when you pee orange!” Of course he sent a picture of his pee in the toilet. We kind of laughed, but he did respond that he didn’t feel good. We asked the normal questions if he had been drinking enough water, etc. Of course, we all know that was the ER day.
Our theme for DNOW this year was Embrace. Hummm…. I like that. Embrace. That is exactly what we have felt for a year now; embraced by our community, our church, and our even bigger God. Our kids learned about that this weekend also.
I had many people ask me what I was going to do during DNOW. Were Jay and I going to have kids at our house, was I just going to hang out, or was I going to be a leader? I currently serve on the Student Ministry Committee for the church and my role for DNOW through the committee, I think by default, was DNOW Administrator. That was perfect. I could be seen as much as I wanted to be seen. Most of the work was done before DNOW even cranked up! That was good for me. I can do paperwork!
It did allow me to do what I love and that is worship. I’ve heard it said that one of the times you will feel closest to God is when you are worshipping through music and bringing Him glory. Trey loved praising God and I loved watching him. All weekend consisted of praise music that allowed all of our students to worship with abandonment. But then it comes to some certain songs. Songs I know were Trey’s favorites. Even his friends knew they were his favorites. Not only did we sing it during the weekend, but one of Trey’s best friends, Cody Jordan, sang it Sunday morning in church. During the part of the song that we sing – this is my favorite:
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
Oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
How He loves
During that verse and chorus, my heart does sink into my chest because I am heaving in tears as I WAIL to God – OH HOW HE LOVES US! Because Trey got it. And at that moment, through God, I’m with my son again. He knew that he didn’t have time for regrets, only time to make sure that his life glorified God. I told a friend last night that I so want to be at the feet of Jesus! Just to tell Him how much I love him. But he told me in scripture today – literally showed me in scripture – 2 Cor. 4:16-18
16 That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. 17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
As much as I am ready to go to Jesus, we ALL are in the process of dying, from the moment of birth. But through God’s grace He renews our spirit daily and we cannot give up on our purpose here on earth until he calls us home. And that is spreading the good news of Jesus Christ. I got a little sentimental today and googled Trey’s name. I do that occasionally. I clicked on the this NFL link talking about Tim Tebow and Trey – http://www.nfl.com/news/story/09000d5d82a5c927/article/tim-tebow-remembers-trey-erwins-battle-vs-cancer There were SO many comments on this very small article about Tim calling Trey so I just HAD to post and this is what I said. I tried to be nice!
7 thoughts on “A Year of “Firsts””
All of my love and prayers continue over your family. Thank you for sharing the intimacy of your heart…..
I think of you and your family often and how proud you must be to be Trey’s mom, what an example he was for so many. When I check to see if you have posted anything and there is nothing….I pray for you and when you do post something, I pray for you as well. Please know that I cannot imagine how you feel or how difficult life must be for you and your family. I know you only get up everyday because you know Jesus….and that you know you will see Trey again one day. How do people survive that go through loss and don’t know Him? I just wanted you to know I pray for you….every time you come to mind. Sending hugs your way!!
Thinking of you today! Thanks for retweets for Trey, the first one caught my breath even though we have never met. Many prayers and a hug or two.
I think of you and your family often and am praying for all of you. I cry as I read your posts, I can’t even imagine what you are going thru. But we do know that Christ is in Control.
My mom was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer on February 14th. She went in for what she thought was gallbladder problems only to find out this news. I couldn’t help but to think of your family, especially this past Tuesday when my mom endured the 7 hour Whipple surgery to help her fight this ugly disease. I pray that I can be the strength for my mom as you and your family were for Trey! Your faith is inspiring and have touched so many! God Bless your family; always in my prayers!
I am truly sorry about your mother. The BEST thing is that she had the Whipple procedure and survived the surgery. That is such a difficult procedure and a long recovery. May God bless your family. “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12
Hi Lisa. I have followed your son’s story and am so sorry for your loss. Your strong faith has inspired many people. Our Sunday school class at FBC, Olive Branch, prayed for Trey during his illness. I can sympathize with you because our 5 year old son, Connor Caldwell, passed away in January after a 2 year battle with an avm in his brain. I would love to email with you. My email address is firstname.lastname@example.org.