The Reason I Cry

I had a conversation with a friend recently on our mission trip to North Dakota and I explained to them why I cry during certain songs that we sing. When people see me crying, or just a tear rolling down my face, I think they think immediately I am missing Trey. Sometimes that is true. I have always been in the choir, since a child. I have grown up paying attention to the lyrics and their meaning. You can find such a deeper connection to God and worship when you actually know the words you are singing!

One of Trey’s favorite songs was The Stand. We sang it at his celebration. (I still can’t say funeral.) Since I have been so involved in the youth for so many years, I was able to watch Trey grow in his worship experience, much like I am watching Collin now. I’ll never forget Bretta Cochran sending me pictures from middle school camp of Collin worshipping last year unashamed and unabandoned and my heart just soared. For a boy who is so introvert, I knew it was true worship for him.

The words to the song are as follows:

You stood before creation
Eternity in your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

So I’ll walk upon salvation
Your spirit alive in me
This life to declare your promise
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I’ll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours

For me, it’s a song that will never get old. I captured a picture of Trey and Julianne worshipping to this song at camp several years ago.

Now, pay attention to the lyrics and maybe you’ll understand why I cry. God has all power, he created us and knows our every move and choice. He knows our failures, our sins, and our heart. But who came to take all of that away? His son, Jesus Christ. There is absolutely nothing we can do to repay what he did on the cross for our sins. God sent His son to save us. I just take it a little further…He sent his son to save MY son because my son is already in his eternal home. So when I am crying, they are tears of thankfulness, humbleness before my God.

As parents, we are so selfish for our children. We often say that we would die for our children. I know Jay said that when Trey was diagnosed. But you see, Christ already did that. He suffered the pain and anguish on the cross for Trey. That’s why I cry. He did that for my baby, already knowing that Trey would one day suffer four months of tremendous pain and nausea. That’s why I’m “In awe of the one who gave it all.” And that’s another reason why we have always had such a peace. Trey knew that ALL along. His soul was surrendered to the Lord and all he had was His.

One thing that does bother me is that our youth sing and don’t pay attention to the lyrics. I’ve wanted to stand before our youth and tell them this story so many times but have not been given the opportunity. I want them to make a difference in someone else’s life by the way they worship and have surrendered to the Lord. There are two precious young men that were close to Trey since childhood that openly worship God unashamed, Josh Luke and Tim Few. I know that sometimes they are persecuted for things they do or say. But I want them to know that they are leaders and I pray for them all the time. God has a place for them because “God’s spirit is alive in them!” I know Trey is cheering his brothers on!

So if you see me crying, don’t feel sorry for me. The next thing you know I’ll be praising God with “Arms high and heart abandoned, In awe of the one who gave it all!” That’s what I pray for others. I was talking to a friend yesterday, Ryan Mullins. I was in much-needed advice for the direction of our family. I am so blessed to have Ryan and Anne in our lives. When Ryan and Keith Cochran preached at Trey’s celebration, they started a hashtag that I hope will continue – #dontmissjesus. That’s what would be Trey’s greatest desire, that you don’t miss Jesus!

So buddy, here’s to you! #dontmissjesus! Thank you Jesus for dying for my sins and saving me, my family, and our Trey!

2 thoughts on “The Reason I Cry

  1. Lisa, I draw strength and inspiration from your posts. I pray for you and your family.
    I am Ashley Douglas’s mom, by the way. Thank you for sharing your heart and god bless you.

  2. Thank you for sharing,though I know that it must be tremendously painful! God is so faithful and my husband and I prayed for Trey, until he died. My husband is a minister at Central Church. We pray for you all as a family! God bless you and keep you in HIS loving care.

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