No Room For an Angry Heart (Blog)

Psalms 143: 7-10

“Hurry with your answer, God!
    I’m nearly at the end of my rope.
Don’t turn away; don’t ignore me!
    That would be certain death.
If you wake me each morning with the sound of your loving voice,
    I’ll go to sleep each night trusting in you.
Point out the road I must travel;
    I’m all ears, all eyes before you.
Save me from my enemies, God
    you’re my only hope!
Teach me how to live to please you,
    because you’re my God.
Lead me by your blessed Spirit
    into cleared and level pastureland.”

Does this prayer sound familiar? It does to me. It’s the words that I have not been able to form in my head for months and God sent these verses to me this morning for my family. As I have been wrapped up in all the “what if’s” of life and the uncertainties for tomorrow, I forgot what an awesome God we serve.

I have been itching for months to put thought to print, but as I told a friend today, I want to make sure that my intention is pure, always.  I always seek to honor and glorify God with my words and never to strike another down.

You see, satan knows where he can wiggle in our head and hearts and in turn, we wound others.  I’ve done that recently with my tongue in my family.  I can say, oh how it felt good to let that go. But how did it feel on the receiving end?  It didn’t matter that some of it might have been truth, it was how it was said; angry, mean, and vindictive. We use truth as an excuse for our anger.  Not my proudest moment.  I’m certainly not proud to boast of my sin, but I hope that someone will learn from my sin.  Sin in my own family.

That’s where it starts, in our own family.  We have certainly faced more than any family’s fair share of stress, hurt, despair, anger, death, guilt…I could go on.  God has been faithful because WE have chosen to be faithful to Him.  If we turned our backs on Him, the anger and hurt would continue and eat us alive.  I hope you are following me and thinking outside the box.

1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

We have been devoured and are crawling out of a pit that we allowed ourselves to be put in.  A pit of depression, anger, and many other things.  I am determined that satan will not have the last word in our family.  Have you been in that pit so deep when you look up, even the tiniest of light is so faint that it flickers between daylight and dark to confuse you?

Two wrecks within 48 hours, neither were our fault.  My car was totaled and Jay’s needed $5,000 worth of work.  We cannot recover reimbursement for our deductibles. Our driveway did look like a used car lot.  So many things I cannot mention.  Stress is mounting like the Dukono volcano eruption.  I have actually said, “Where are you God!?”

Satan is not only confusing our families, but he is confusing our children.  Look what the world is telling them.  Just look at the news! He is telling them that HATRED is GOOD! Not in the book I read.  Do you really think that historical figures are the root of what is going on in our nation?  Satan is using historical figures to uproot our nation and we are falling for it.

I drove by Jefferson Davis Park at 7:30 a.m. today where there were multiple police cars, news vans, and people already gathering.  My mind went to 1 Peter and I pictured a lion low in the grass by the trees, waiting.  Is that how we as a nation have learned to live?

I also have to think about what is happening in our churches.  Friends, they are suffering.  Satan is alive and well in our churches.  FRIENDS. . .CHURCH IS FOR THE HURTING AND IMPERFECT PEOPLE! It’s for ME! If you are not there to love people like ME, then I don’t belong there.  I don’t understand WHAT is going on in our churches today, except people have a problem loving people WHERE they ARE.  Can you love my son where he is?  If so, where are you?  Can you help a grieving family who has lost a son and understand that grieving doesn’t last a year. If so, where are you?  Here is where I pray He “Points out the road I must travel. . .” because we are searching with open ears and hearts.

I am thankful we have a forgiving God.  I told multiple friends recently that I have been taught compassion, love, forgiveness, and mercy.  That is exactly what I have tried to be the example of in my family. . .until I lost it.  As I have said so many times to our young people who are dealing with SO much on their plates and some that are angry, God is big enough to handle our anger.  He formed us in our mother’s womb and He knows our heart and words before we speak them. (I just wish He would have provided some tape close by recently!)

I have to ask you as I ask myself.  What are we saying to our community about what the hatred is doing in our nation?  How is it filtering in our family?  And just maybe through our schools.  Many things we cannot control, but what we CAN control is our prayer life. We can pray for our children, our families, and our nation.  It is our duty.

Well, as a mother, I might have messed up recently, but that doesn’t change the love in my heart.  It doesn’t change that we are going to continue pressing toward the goal.  We know God is faithful. He is a GOOD father! My words for 2017 continue to remain BE STILL.  I am praying this not only for my family, but for our nation.

But can I ask, has there been a time where you have turned your back on Him? Maybe because the stress was too much to handle or you’ve been angry.  Maybe because you thought you weren’t worth forgiving.  We are ALL worth forgiving.  As wretched as my anger has been, for losing my baby, for what is happening in our lives, my PRECIOUS Lord and Savior, HE FORGIVES ME! Just because I asked.  And I certainly do not deserve it.

On the way to work this morning, I heard the song Blessings by Laura Story.  This was the first song played at Trey’s funeral while people were entering the sanctuary.  These words hit me and hit me hard with tears.  Thank you for loving our family and for praying for our family.  And remember, we are just passing through. . . .

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we have faith to believe

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It’s not our home

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the achings of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise