If you are not a football fan, it’s hard to understand the Friday Night Lights excitement. Or even when the VOLS come running through the T at a University of Tennessee football game in Neyland Stadium. There’s just something about the anticipation of boys/men tackling each other and the expectation of pulling out a win.

To say the Erwin family is a football family is putting it mildly. Jay played for Harding Academy and ended up being All-District. He received a football scholarship, but turned it down to go to U of M. He later helped coach the 8th grade Harding team. His brother, Terry, played for Harding as well. Basketball was Barry’s sport, Jay’s middle brother. All of this occurred before we had children. All I could imagine was sitting in the stands and cheering for my son on the field (since I was a cheerleader all through school). Jay and I prayed and prayed to have boys…and we had two precious boys.

Both our boys, Trey and Collin, grew up in the Collierville Youth Athletic Association (CYAA) beginning with flag football. Jay and I hold so many memories from those years. Jay even coached his boys one year…they were all COLTS! Trey played against his school friends, like Hunter Byer and so many others. He always played AGAINST Gavin McCrary. He was a beast. If you played during those CYAA years and are reading this, I hope you get a chuckle. I have been blessed to be a prayer warrior and friend of his mother, Ashley, who is battling cancer. I think my favorite memory is while Jay’s dad, Jerry, was battling cancer, I don’t think he missed one of Collin’s games. He loved watching his grandsons play ball (so did their Grandma).

As our boys grew into the Collierville school teams, the games became MUCH more competitive, as did the parents! I wasn’t worried about fights between the boys as much as I was some of the moms and dads! That’s when Jay and I became true Dragons. Even before they entered high school, we took them to the games and they would play at the end of the field. (Remember doing that at Herman Osteen?) Those were true small town Collierville Friday Night Lights that I miss.

When Trey was diagnosed, his team was devastated. I remember Coach O’Neill calling me after he told the team. I don’t think the boys on the team now realized what it is like to play with cancer when you don’t know you have it. Trey pushed on, just thinking he was tired, had a sinus infection, or a pulled muscle. This went on for months before his diagnosis. That is why his smile is so special that was on his face September 2, 2011, when they beat Houston. Cancer was running through his body.

After Trey died, Collin continued to play and wear #13. That is why the number belongs to BOTH the boys and I’ll step out and say, the Erwin family. I visit the jersey at Booya’s and Skybox and just smile. Thank you to both establishments for honoring the jersey, the number, Trey’s battle and memory, and our family. The jersey hangs in a frame in the school. To be honest with you, I don’t know where. I have all of the jerseys except the new uniform jerseys that you see on Friday before the game to tell if it’s home or away. I cannot express to the coaches, the staff, the CHS Kick-Off Club and players how much this means to us. (Yep, I’m crying.)

There have been many tears over the years. The tears come from wins and losses, seeing old friends and Trey and Collin’s fellow players. Collin’s teammates still remain his best friends…Tanner Mayfield, Hunter Smith, Daniel Bobbitt…all the kids that he got in trouble with in middle school. They have stuck together, as friends and roommates, and as groomsmen. Watching them grow up has not been easy for me, because I never got the chance to see Trey grow up.

That brings me to why sometimes I just can’t. I can root the team on by posting on social media, but when it comes to walking out the door, my heart sinks and I can’t sit in the stands alone. Jay was working last night and he said, “Lisa, you’ll have a whole stadium of people around you.” That still didn’t matter. That is when you still feel very alone in a crowd. I’m so thankful our church friends have the seats right next to us. So I sent a text to Tim Woodard and told him he could have all three seats and told him a little bit of why I wasn’t coming. I felt so guilty for trying to pump other people up when I couldn’t even go myself.

Years ago a former pastor of Germantown Baptist used Psalm 51 to convert it into Area 51 to be a refuge for the youth. I can’t tell you how many times this scripture has rescued me from my sins and restored my joy. I am a sinner saved by grace. I was born with guilt and shame. My God has rescued me more times than I deserve. I am thankful that during the times of guilt I feel of not being what I THINK I should be to others, God hears me…and sets me straight. And I’m even more thankful I have a husband who hugs me tight and tells me, “It will be okay.”

I’ll be a Dragon for Life…as will my family. We will never take for granted the Erwin Award from the Dragons or the Erwin Award from Courage thru Cancer

Psalm 51 – Worth Reading Every Word

Be gracious to me, God,
according to your faithful love;
according to your abundant compassion,
blot out my rebellion.
² Completely wash away my guilt
and cleanse me from my sin.
³ For I am conscious of my rebellion,
and my sin is always before me.
⁴ Against you—you alone—I have sinned
and done this evil in your sight.
So you are right when you pass sentence;
you are blameless when you judge.
⁵ Indeed, I was guilty when I was born;
I was sinful when my mother conceived me.

⁶ Surely you desire integrity in the inner self,
and you teach me wisdom deep within.
⁷ Purify me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
⁹ Turn your face away from my sins
and blot out all my guilt.

¹⁰ God, create a clean heart for me
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not banish me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore the joy of your salvation to me,
and sustain me by giving me a willing spirit.
¹³ Then I will teach the rebellious your ways,
and sinners will return to you.

¹⁴ Save me from the guilt of bloodshed, God—
God of my salvation—
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
¹⁵ Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
¹⁶ You do not want a sacrifice, or I would give it;
you are not pleased with a burnt offering.
¹⁷ The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit.
You will not despise a broken and humbled heart, God.

¹⁸ In your good pleasure, cause Zion to prosper;
build the walls of Jerusalem.
¹⁹ Then you will delight in righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

It’s okay when you can’t. Because God can.