Grand Canyon

Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon? My sisters have with the family and they have told me of the awesome sight. It’s just something I cannot imagine. Personally, I have no desire to go there. I can’t comprehend wanting to go look at a big, dry hole that people try to jump over on their motorcycles like idiots. Just thought I’d throw that in there. I’m sure it’s hot there, and there’s not a beach, so why go? Point made. At least for me.

I bet you are thinking, what in the world does the Grand Canyon have to do with anything? Well, in my usual fashion, I caught myself humming today.

How deep the Father’s love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

That’s when I began to think about the Grand Canyon. On earth, other than the oceans, that is the only vastness I have to measure God’s love for me and that is nowhere NEAR how much He loves me. That love has carried me through a very lonely time the last two weeks and it will be even worse the next three weeks. I put this in my book, but I remember vividly crying on the alter in 2012 on Senior Sunday praying that God would have Trey here to walk across the stage on Senior Sunday. Mama’s can be selfish sometimes.

Even though there might be a smile on our face, our hearts are breaking…all of our family. Bobby, my nephew is graduating from U of M on Saturday. Trey would be so proud. So many of you have been so very gracious not to send graduation invitations to Trey’s own graduation. We thank you! I have cringed every time I have had to look through the mail. I don’t expect you to understand, and I know there are MANY that will say “She needs to just get over it.” I’ll be glad to trade my grief for your daily struggle in a heartbeat. Remember, you do not always know what is going on behind closed doors. I have received many sweet texts regarding sensitivity. I have been blessed by the pouring out of love for our family during this time. That is why I have remained off Facebook, even though my Twitter feed flows over. We are thrilled for everyone’s accomplishments! We truly are! But in some ways, it reminds me of my own failure. The promises I made to Trey. I’m so thankful God catches every tear.

“But I will boast in Jesus Christ…” He gives me strength when I don’t want to get out of bed each day. He tells me I can do it another day. He reminds me that Trey doesn’t like it when I’m upset. (D. J. reminds me of that too.) He reminds me that there is a season for everything. This is just another season and there will be many used to strengthen me. He is sharpening me and will use me. When that day comes, I will be ready. Right now, I grieve.

My boss shared a scripture with me today, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” Mark 12:30. It made me think maybe I’m not strong enough to love with all my heart, soul, and mind. I feel zapped of everything. So where do you get your strength? The word of God.

Maybe I need to visit the Grand Canyon. There is a lesson to be learned by seeing the wonderment of God’s creation. It might just be the opportunity to stand in awe and realize that when you step outside the city limits of Memphis and Collierville, life is so much bigger than what we are experiencing around us. God can give you a renewed strength.

I leave you with one of my favorite passages (Joe’s-my boss-and Trey’s too): Isaiah 40:31

“…but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Learning to walk again, and not be weary.