As with most of Collierville residents, my heart has been very heavy over the last 24 hours. Those that knew Chris Dufour are asking themselves so many questions. They are some of the same questions these sweet kids (a lot of them I call my own) asked five years ago when Trey died.
We don’t know why. Only God knows why. I read a quote today that says, “Grow through whatever you go through” by TobyMac. I dare ask, haven’t we grown enough? Of course not. We will continue to grow until God decides we have done what He needs for us to do on this earth. So that brings us back to Why? We have to trust that God holds the answers to all our earthly questions and one day, just ONE DAY, when we see him face to face, it won’t matter. But for now, we have to take to heart that those we have lost have done exactly what God had planned for them.
Does This Change Our Hurt?
Just because God has chosen to take our loved ones (even our PETS!) does not mean we are not going to grieve and grieve heavily. I grieve MORE today for Trey than I did five years ago. We all are grieving for Chris because there are no answers, which makes things worse. Julie and David did not have time for closure, so our grieving is a little different, but yet one thing is the same…we still miss and cry out for our sons. Is there a little anger in the hurt? Five years later I can say yes, a little. I can admit that because I KNOW that God is big enough to handle my anger and tears. He can handle yours.
I Don’t Know What to Say, I’m Empty!
We are all empty and I might go as far to say some may be nauseated. For myself, I have named it sensory grief. I want to assure you as a parent who has lost a child, there is nothing you can say AND THAT’S OKAY! We love hugs, and always the words, “I’m praying for you.” We always love to hear about our child. His name is not taboo. Remembering him keeps his memory alive. Just like all your posts on Facebook about Chris. It helps memorialize him. This is something his parents will be able to go back and read in years to come and KNOW how much he was cherished and loved by his friends. He was truly blessed. My heart has been so heavy for the Class of 2014 (Trey’s class) and 2015. I have some of the same memories you do, how funny Chris was, football homecoming, and many more memories. Make sure you love on Julie and David and tell them how much Chris meant to you. It will help your grief and will certainly help theirs.
Where Do We Go From Here?
That is a very good question because it is one I continue to ask myself. I thought the community was just beginning to heal from the loss of our precious Grant Roberson. The grief of his loss affected the younger classes at CHS. As a follower of Christ, it is in my nature to point us back to Him and His word. I know from Trey’s battle, if only just one was touched and changed for His glory, Trey’s battle would have been worth it. I know that was Trey’s desire. If one person is changed because of Chris, the angels will rejoice. I know that because of Trey and Grant, lives were changed. It could be someone you know. How awesome to find out someone began to look at life so seriously, how precious it truly is, then they begin to question their relationship with God!
There is HOPE in Christ! This is the only thing that can calm our grieving hearts.
“In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:26-28
In our weakness, as we grieve, when we cannot pray, the Spirit prays for us! Oh, how God loves us. Take that to heart as we grieve together.
In closing, as I said in my book, we all grieve differently. It will take time and some will grieve longer than others for Chris. You have to be patient with each other. Please remember that for Julie and David, life has stopped as they know it. Chris will always be the same age. These are the same burdens Jay and I carry. In the weeks to come, love on them as you have continued to love on us.
I am not a professional, counselor, or teacher. I am just a grieving mother who lost her precious boy too soon. I leave you with this hope…
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are NOT worthy to be compared to the glory that is to be revealed to us.” Romans 8:18
4 thoughts on “Grieving Community Again (Blog)”
Thank you Lisa. Your word are so valuable and helpful.
I’m so, so sorry you and Julie and my sweet friend Terri Braswell (and so many others) have to endure such a loss.
Thank you so much. It’s a club I wish we did not belong to.
Thank you Lisa. Your wisdom comes from experience.
It is experience I wish I did not have. But I know that if others are going through it, I want them to benefit from some of the hurt of losing a child. Some things, you just do not have to suffer, especially in a high profile death.