The Broken Teapot

Many have experienced seeing a child knock something valuable off a shelf and watching it fall in slow motion to the floor into small pieces, a teapot for example.  The teapot is shattered into what seems a million pieces on the floor.  You know it was not done on purpose and there is no scolding.  The teapot is just there.  Waiting for you to either throw it away or glue it back together.

 Prov. 15:13 says “A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, But when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.”  Jay and I have entered the time of being broken and hurt.  We are much like the teapot that is in many pieces. I knew when it came down to it, I would be the one that would be affected the most; it was just a matter of time.  That time is here and how do we handle it?

Jay and I talked last night about suicide.  I know, you think that is so drastic.  Don’t freak out, we are human.  In despair, your mind goes so many places.  He has not thought about it at all.  I, on the other hand, have thought about it several times.  Satan creeps in when we are weak, and I am either crying or sleeping, so he’s got me.  I know I am feeling that way because so much of a big part of our lives has died.  This reminds me of the song the Hurt and the Healer by MercyMe.  Parts of the lyrics are, “Breathe, sometimes I feel that’s all that I can do.  Pain so deep that I can hardly move.”  But the song goes on to say “Jesus come and break my fear, Awake my heart and take my tears, Find Your glory even here.”

I have a mental image of God catching my tears and using them as glue to put the teapot back together, which is me.  There are some pieces He will have to hold in place for a while for the glue to hold and I think He’s holding us in one of those places right now.  But we know there is healing in this time, as much as I don’t see it with my eyes.  But I am claiming Jeremiah 17:14 that says “Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; Save me and I will be saved, for You are my praise.”  I know in time we will heal as He puts US back together.  I told Jay last night that it made me angry that I couldn’t just push all this aside and get over it.  (That’s my fighting spirit.) And he said, we’ll never get over this.  He is right and that’s why I cry out to the Lord.  Just stop and think.  Imagine.  Your child.  Gone.  Never to touch, smell, or kiss again.  You can’t.

I’m so thankful that God did not pick up the teapot and put it in the trash, broken and in pieces. His glue is ever-bonding and a joy that we have experienced.  We will experience that joy again and He will fill us up.  There will be no leaks through the cracks of the pot.  But for now, I have to accept that I am broken.  I will learn to heal.  Each day I am going to challenge myself to find something to be thankful for that God in his mercy has given me.  It might be something very insignificant to the public, but to me, it might just be breathing. 

If you have not heard this song Hurt and the Healer by Mercy Me, here are the words that I could speak myself.  I am praying through all of this that God DOES find His glory here and He is honored in all that we do.  Some ask, how can I pray for you? Or how are you doing?  Well, I think I have answered that question well.

 Why?
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn’t come from the explained
Jesus please don’t let this go in vain
You’re all I have
All that remains

So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe
Sometimes I feel it’s all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

It’s the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all the scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say “It’s over now”

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here