FRIEND-LESS (Blog)

“So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D. O. A.
It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but…
I’ll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I’ll be there for you
(Like I’ve been there before)
I’ll be there for you
(‘Cause you’re there for me too)”

You know the rest of the song.  Of course, it’s the theme song from the show Friends.  I’m raising this subject because it has been an overwhelming theme of posts I’ve seen from so many friends on Facebook.  Just this week, a friend of mine posted:

“Ironically, there are times I feel like I have a lot of friends and then there are times I feel, not so much.
Anyone else? (I promise I’m not feeling sorry for myself as much as I’m just recognizing inconsistency in my thinking)”

Her responses were astounding! Women from all walks of life, including myself, answered with a resounding YES!  I know my friend well enough to say that her post was not a pity party post, but more inquisitive, just as she said.  I knew some of the women that responded and I felt like I was jumping up and down saying, “Here I am, over here, right here, I’ll be your friend!”

Women…Men… Why are we wired this way? Women can have a thought at 10 p.m. and feel the need to call a best friend and share a thought.  Women can ALSO have a conversation while using the restroom! Admit. It.! You’ve done it! We desire the connection.  It’s a different connection between a man and a woman.

“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Prov. 18:24

So why are we failing in our friendships?  This is just my opinion and I am NOT a counselor or psychologist.  I think for one, social media has taken the place of our friendships.  A faceless post with a likes here and there is NOT a relationship, friends.  It’s a phone in your hand, a computer, or ipad.  It doesn’t take the place of eye contact, the touch of a hand, a hug, or the inflection of a person’s voice.  That is what we are lacking dear women.  Satan, my favorite idiot, knows this!

I go back to John 10:10.  “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”  Don’t you think God wants us to have abundant friendships in our lives?  That’s why people say, “Don’t let Satan steal your JOY!”

Dr. Randy Kamen, a psychologist, wrote in the Huffington Post:

Whether is it with friends, family, a therapist or a support group, women find it healing to tell their stories. We want to talk about our emotional experiences and to process what has happened and what we might do going forward. If friendships can enrich our physical and emotional lives, the question becomes why so many women find it challenging to nourish them. Ruthellen Josselson, author of Best Friends: The Pleasure and Perils of Girls’ and Women’s Friendships explains that when we get busy with our work and family, the first thing we do is push away our friendships due to lack of time or energy. We lose sight of the strength we provide each other and the healing benefits we derive from our friends. As the research suggests, we need to build and maintain these important bonds to protect our physical and emotional well-being.

I am presently doing the bible study Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst.  It is about learning to be a person that is Living Loved, or when you feel left out, lonely, and rejected.  I’ve only been in one session and read five chapters of her book and have soaked in so much knowledge of rejection and what Jesus can do for me.

You would not think that a child’s death would be a cause for loneliness and rejection.  Jay has told me time and time again that it is just that people do not know what to say to me or how to approach me.  I’ve even lost friends that I had for years because they said they could not be my friend anymore because of their own sadness over Trey.  Rejection hurts.

We started the session by listening to Lysa by video.  I felt an instant connection.  I loved it when she said (paraphrased): “I hated when I looked on Instagram and Facebook and saw my friends in pictures and I wasn’t invited.”  I felt like jumping up and down.  Well, actually, I did raise my hand and said “Amen!”  That’s when it makes you question, who ARE my friends?

This stood out to me in Lysa’s book:  “No, it’s not wrong to need people.  But some of our biggest disappointments in life are the result of expectations we have of others that they can’t ever possibly meet…Here’s the secret shift we must make: Do I walk into situations prepared with the fullness of God in me, free to look for ways to bless others?”

Does social media fulfill that? I don’t think so. But we are so stuck in and addicted to the concept it gives us.  IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR ACTS OF SERVICE!  I’ve said that before.  We must be diligent in changing the way we WANT our friendships! Do you want keep texting a friend that you have never met or finally set up that coffee date? (You know I’m talking to you.)  Do you really not have time?  What if God is wanting you to bless someone with your time? Or maybe, you are going to be blessed by someone else and THEIR time but you are not willing to let go of yours.  We all do it.  Trust me, I’m guilty, because I don’t think I’m worthy of anyone’s time.  (Remember, Satan is an idiot!)

Time.  Investing in others.  Loving.  Giving.  All things worthy of a bonding friendship that glorifies God.  God takes pleasure in US!

So, from the words of the movie Ghostbusters… “Who ya gonna call?”

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